Carol's Story
April 1985 We women who are grateful to have been granted the freedom of an abortion are now being requested to speak out- to tell of our experiences, even those of us who went through the nightmare of THE WAY THINGS WERE back in the bad old days before the Supreme Court decision. I am now nearly eighty years old. As I sit here trying to compose this letter I am trembling and weeping softly, as I relive the agony of the trapped woman that I was, almost a half century ago, the last week of November, 1936. I was 31 years old and teaching in high school in a little town. My young man who lived in the city would meet me at the Greyhound station when I rode the bus in to see him. But that particular week end(sic) I had not written him that I was coming. I went first to see my doctor who confirmed my fears that I was pregnant. “Will you perform an abortion for me?” “No, child. It’s illegal. You must go on and have your baby.” “Will I be able to finish out the school term?” “Possibly, but don’t worry about it Carol. Your first duty now is to your baby?” “Why is abortion illegal?” “It’s dangerous to a woman’s health and life.” My young man was also in a very low-paying position. I was desperate, and told him I believed the best course was for me to have an abortion, if possible. “No. You must not go to a butcher. We’ll get married; we’ll manage somehow.” I was fond of Bill, but he was not what I had in mind for a life mate and I think the feeling was mutual. We were not in love – just two very lonely people. Back in the little town, and working late, all alone, on the second floor of the school building, I got up and ran to the steps and tried to throw myself downstairs, hoping for a miscarriage. I tried again the next night but I simply could not do it. I poked the smooth handle of a brush into me, but nothing was effective. Next week end I went to the city to consult a minister. “Marry the guy. That’s the advice I would give my own daughter.” He had his wife talk to me I told her I had been contemplating suicide. “That’s no solution. Anyway the truth would come out.” “I can’t marry him. I don’t love him, and it wouldn’t last.” “There are many couple who can’t have a baby, who are longing for one. We could contact an adoption agency for you.” “No. I would never do that.” “Then, my dear, the only solution is to marry him.” So I decided to get married. Bill and I set a date for the next week end., and with a breaking heart, I went back to the little town to tell my mother.. Mama stood up, staring at me. “Carol, you’re not happy about this marriage are you?” “No. I don’t love him.” I burst into tears. “Then don’t go through with it. Have-to marriages are not so good.” My mother had her arms around me and was crying with me. “WHY is an abortion illegal, Mama?” “There was an attempt to legalize it during the woman suffrage movement but some religious leaders – men, of course – most Catholics – declared they knew God’s will for women, so it was quashed. But the God I worship is the Spirit of Mercy.: “But my doctor won’t help me, Mama.” “There are other doctors. Surely in that big city there must be one brave, merciful doctor who will help you. I want you to go find him.” I wrote to Bill postponing the marriage for a week. On Tuesday, at school I pretended to be sick, and was excused to go home early. Next morning. I went in to the city to locate a special doctor. At the first drug store where I asked the salesman new of such a man. “He’s a good doctor. He has delivered all the babies in our family. Keep it quiet, but I’ve heard…” So I found my kind doctor. He said, “You must be He said, “You must be very sure. Consult your minister and your mother if she is approachable on the subject. I know some mothers are not.” “My mother sent me in to find you.” And I told him all that she had said. “Your mother is a wise woman. It would be a pleasure to meet her.” When I filled out the consent and information form and he saw my salary he was shocked. “So that’s what they’re paying teachers out in the boonies. I knew this state was a disgrace educationally, but that’s outrageous.” Then he said slowly. “My fee, in your case – we will skip it. Can you manage to pay your room and board for a few days?” I nodded, and he phone the lady with whom he had a special arrangement to keep his patients. He performed the abortion, and after a few days, although still very weak, I went by Bill’s place to tell him he was off the hook. Then I boarded the bus back to the little town, to be cared for by my blessed mother for a few more days; then back to my teaching – a free woman. He was my dear doctor for the next few years until I moved to a new position. When I got my master’s degree I took my diploma in to show him, and thank him again. I would never have been able to get my masters and go on into college teaching if he had not helped me out of that trap. When I heard that he had died I went to meet his widow, and told her what a blessing he had been to me. Without that merciful man what a sad life I would have had. I would have been married and divorced. With a child to care for, I would have just been stopped in my tracks, so far as any educational and professional advancements were concerned. I have had a rich, full life with many happy days to look back upon, and I hope to have many more days filled with service and joy in trying to make life better for other people, especially women and children. Sincerely yours, Carol
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