Carolyn's Story
Pro-Choice – My Story At the age of 15 yrs (In the 50’s) I became pregnant – I was so uneducated I really didn’t know what was going on. In my house sex was not talked about and when my mother thought I was pregnant she wrote me a letter (we lived in the same house) but I was never taught anything about periods, sex, pregnancy, etc. I only knew about what little the school taught and what I learned in the streets. Any how mother took me to the doctor. At first I was given 6 large brown jelly-like pills to take all at once and that was suppose to start my period if I was not pregnant. When the pills didn’t work I went to another doctor in an old building. He didn’t tell me anything except that he was going to hypnotize me and from that day on that all he’d have to do was tap me on the shoulder and I would be hypnotized again – I have lived with that fear all these years (26 yrs). Even with the hypnosis what ever he did hurt and that night I had severe pains I had to go to the bathroom and my water broke and the cord fell our from my vagina. I can’t tell you the horrible things going through my mind at that time. I was admitted to the hospital and I guess I was 5 or 6 months pregnant instead of 2-3 months. Through all this no one talked to me and helped me with all the horrible feelings going through my mind. I was treated like a dirty “little girl.” Even in the hospital the doctor who had to finish the job treated me like something “dirty.” No one had a kind word for me at all. I came through it without any permanent physical damage but I can’t say the same for my mental health. That summer my mother made me join Job’s Daughters to acquaint me with some “nice young ladies” it was as though wearing white formals and attending the meetings would wash me “clean” again – or that's the way I felt. Then 2 ˝ years later when I got married I had to get raging drunk before I could consummate my marriage it was several years before I could enjoy the intimacies of marriage and to see a gyn was a horrible experience. My marriage ended after 7 years and it was largely due to my fears of sexual contact and that my first pregnancy after my marriage the baby strangled during my 7th month of pregnancy and I had to carry the child until natural labor started – it was almost 6 weeks, during that time I kept remembering what one of the nurses said in my room after my abortion, “Some day she’ll answer to God.” The nurse thought I was still unconscious – I was groggy but not “out.” The doctor who delivered that baby was very kind and knew about my abortion (at least that I had had one) he tried very hard to help me – he did a lot. I became pregnant again and that child was born with multiple allergies and later asthma and I felt like I was still paying for my one mistake. Some two years after my divorce I became pregnant on the “pill” but abortion was not legal yet as this was in 1969 or 1970 or if it was I didn’t know it was or I was so scared I didn’t want to find out. I don’t know which and I carried the child and gave her up for adoption. And again in the hospital I was treated like something dirty – inhuman. But I was barely making it. My one child had asthma so bad she was in the hospital 3-4 times a week or in the doctor’s office. I was not financially, physically, mentally capable for caring for another child. What is so hard, in Missouri after one year the natural mother has to go sign the final adoption papers and just about the time you are freeing your mind of the guilt and did I do right. What will my child think if she finds out, how to I tell a man I may decide to marry about this..it’s all brought back to the surface. My feeling is abortion is a personal decision and the woman needs some guidance and understanding. She’s to express her fears before and after. Young girls need to be educated about their bodies, their feelings, and birth control without feeling “dirty” because they are human…Maybe someday abortion won’t be necessary except in case of rape, incest or to save a mother’s life. With proper education at an early age for boys and girls young people can learn to understand their feelings but someone has to open the doors for these young people to talk if the parents can’t or won’t. There has to be a source of good info – not in the street. I’d do anything to save any girl going through the physical and mental “HELL” I’ve gone through. Carolyn
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